too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize