that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Randomize
