Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
