then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Randomize
