Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
