great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
