god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
