Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
