You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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