it wasn't lemon gatorade
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
