So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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