I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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