Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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