Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Why is your signature on my underwear?
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
