I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
They are going to name an STD after you.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
