my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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