Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
you never un-have a 4some
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
