his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
