this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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