Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
