I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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