Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
they're like a gay fantastic four
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
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