My hand turned me down
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
