I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize