normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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