Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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