i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
