kristin has been a bad kristin
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
