He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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