So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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