so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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