Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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