I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
