toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
