I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
