You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Randomize
