THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
