maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
