I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
