Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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