I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
