I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
