This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
