is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
