You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
