So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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