this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Randomize
