He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Your penis caused this!
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
