What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Randomize
