I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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