Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
