The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Randomize
