So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
