ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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