Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize