Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
