Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
