somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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