Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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