you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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