if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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