I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
