We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize