My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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