Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
my poor anus
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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