my phone needs a breathalizer
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
