A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
honey bunches of taint.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
