I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
