even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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