I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
