The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
